The Conversation You Need to Have with Aging Parents

As far as conversations go, talking with your aging parents about their future has to be about as uncomfortable as talking with your children about sex, but it is crucial that the conversation take place.

No one wants to think about their own mortality, or even consider there might be a time at some point when they are unable to take care of themselves. No matter how difficult the conversation is to begin, it must begin. The main benefit is intended for your parents.   

Some parents may be proactive in this process and maybe they have already drafted a will and expressed their wishes about being cared for if they become incapacity and are unable to make decision about their future. Unfortunately many parents avoid the subject all together because they don’t like to think about it.

First you have to decide how to prepare for this conversation with two different topics in mind:

1. Specify clear topics for the discussion.
2. Determine what approach you are going to take so you can engage them.

Some of the more important topics you may need to discuss with your aging parents include finances, your parents’ wishes regarding long-term care and possible end of life scenarios. By having a well thought-out list of topics it will ensure you don’t forget to address something that you probably will not be eager revisit later.  

The approach you take to engage your parents is crucial because if you are unable to get them to participate, the conversation potentially never occurs and their wishes may go unfulfilled.

Explaining to your parents that you realize how difficult it is to talk about getting older and no one is eager to talk about these things, but it is necessary if they truly want their wishes carried out. If you need to have this conversation with both parents, make sure they are on the same page as far as their wishes. If you have never talked about this topic with your parents, chances are they have not discussed it with each other either.

Reassure your parents that these are only topics you have to discuss for the future, right now they appear to be in good health and can stay that way for quite a long time, but hope is not a plan. If you are a single child you may have to have this discussion with your parents alone, but it would benefit everyone to have more than one voice heard.

Single children may want to request the assistance of an aunt or uncle and brothers and sisters should have these conversations together with their parents.

The Specifics

Here are some specifics you may want to consider when you do have that conversation with your parents about their future.

Legal: Have your parents made a will? If not have they done any sort of estate planning and do they have any attorney of record or sort of legal documents that have been created? Some things to research include wills, trusts, power of attorney and health care directives.

Medical: Although a health-care directive allows for a trusted family member to make medical decisions on their behalf, it doesn’t ensure a bunch of medical debt won’t accrue. Talk to your parents about their health care coverage. Do they have supplemental policies to Medicare? Also, if they are unable to care for themselves what type of environment would they be most comfortable in?

Financial: It is important to have access to your parents’ financial records like tax returns, bank accounts, stocks and bonds, home deeds, titles to vehicles and any outstanding debt they may own.  

Obviously everyone’s situation is a bit different, so this is not a complete list of things you may need to talk to your aging parents about, but hopefully it will open the door so the conversation can begin.

InHome Care Advisors is a local Minnesota company made up of caring senior healthcare professionals who believe everyone should be ale to live safely in their own homes as long as possible.  We put that belief into action by carefully listening and assessing the needs, wants, and desires of our clients;  Visit our website or call 651-252-1669....we can help.

Increasing Self-Esteem Can Improve Senior's Health

J. Kieser for In Home Care Advisors

At one time or another we have all experienced self-esteem issues. Most people have things they are not happy or satisfied about in their lives, but we are now learning that these types of feelings may have considerable impact on our physical health, especially for the senior population.

A recent study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology, an international journal that publishes research on the disciplines of psychology, neurology and psychiatry, found that seniors who experience self-esteem issues tend to show higher levels of Cortisol, a steroid hormone that suppresses the immune system. The study concluded that maintaining or increasing self-esteem in seniors, thus decreasing Cortisol levels, can decrease age-related health problems.  

Researchers have shown that self-esteem tends to be lower in young adults, but increases as we age, at least until age 60. It is right around retirement age where self-esteem begins a new decline.

It is difficult to determine why self-esteem begins to decline at age 60, but some theories suggest that transitioning into a retirement lifestyle often means no more work, no more kids in the house and the addition of new physical limitations. A person’s education level, income, net worth, health and employment status all have some impact on self-esteem according to researchers.

The study related to self-esteem in seniors, which originated with the University of Concordia in Montreal, suggests that if we can improve the self-esteem in seniors we may be able to improve their physical health as well.

“Because self-esteem is associated with psychological wellbeing and physical health, raising self-esteem would be an ideal way to help prevent health problems later in life,” said Sarah Liu, who with her colleague, Carsten Wrosch, conducted the research for the study. Her comments were issued in a press release from the university.

Now that we have research showing that improved self-esteem in seniors may possibly improve physical health, the next question has to be - how do we increase self-esteem in seniors?

We build self-esteem in seniors much the same way we would try to improve the self-esteem in people of all ages. When we lack self-esteem we tend to lack self worth. Those suffering from self-esteem issues rarely experience praise, warmth or affection, which can be consistent with the lifestyle of many seniors who may live alone and have very little human interaction.

The good thing is we can change this and build self-esteem in seniors. Just like a child who lacks interaction with classmates, it is important to get a senior involved in activities where they can interact with other people. A great resource to get seniors active is the local senior community center. Most days per week there are planned activities seniors can participate in and it’s a great place to connect with other seniors, have a cup of coffee and share a discussion.

As much as human interaction is needed, so too is a sense of purpose, which many seniors may lose after they no longer have a job to go to every day. By engaging seniors in projects or activities that have determined goals, they know they are working toward something important and can enjoy the success in. Two great resources seniors can access to get involved in volunteering opportunities include Senior Corps (http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/senior-corps) and Minnesota Seniors Online (http://www.mnseniorsonline.com/volunteer-opportunities.html).

As a society we need to do a better job of realizing that our seniors are sometimes the wisest of all of us because of their experiences in life. By engaging seniors in a conversation we can tap into a wealth of knowledge and we may benefit from their knowledge more than we ever imagined.

In Home Care Advisors is a local Minnesota company made up of caring senior healthcare professionals who believe everyone should be ale to live safely in their own homes as long as possible.  We put that belief into action by carefully listening and assessing the needs, wants, and desires of our clients;  Visit our website or call 651-252-1669....we can help.